yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
