38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
