Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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