Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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