Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
