Don't you send me to vm
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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