I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cannot find my penis.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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