saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
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Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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