yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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