I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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