I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
