I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
