your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It was confusing and full of hummus
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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