Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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