I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
