You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
