Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
