Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
