i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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