So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
