just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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