no, he came in my armpit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
