hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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