I smell stomach acid.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
