so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
