Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How's work?
Spinning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
