I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
