I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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