a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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