I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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