A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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