We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
