I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
