just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
