Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
