His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
