thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
