Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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