So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
