I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
