i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
