You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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