i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
