New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
