chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
