Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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