You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
