3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
