worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
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We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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