The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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