He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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