You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
