That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
