Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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