I'm so fucking centered right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
