I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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