Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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