Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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