Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
